Loss of my darling husband

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    zeetee45
    Participant

    Unfortunately it’s all top late for us but I feel that this is the right and best place to share my husbands story.
    October 2017 my husband Chris was feeling a bit like he had slight flu.He put it down to a reaction to the flu jab. He was quite tired but carried on working and doing his thing. Chris has always had urticaria so itching was part of everyday life although on hindsight it may have got a little worse.
    Anyway a week or so later Chris started with Jaundice, pain free jaundice. He went off to the Docs as he had seen them in October and been given a clean bill of health perhaps a statin might help and perhaps blood pressure tabs may help but Chris went to the gym most days and did a good 90 mins of cardio and weights.Thought it might have been a statin thing as his liver results were very slightly out. The doc sent him for an MRI at the hospital there and then. They said they’d call him with the results but in the meantime they sent him for a CT as well.This was 10 days hench and again they would contact him. The following Tuesday he went back to the Docs as he was more yellow and due to see her. She was shocked and called the hospital immediately and told them to get their finger out. They did. On the Friday Chris went in for a stent and they would take brushings at the same time but likely cholangiocarcinoma. By now he had lost 9kg in 3 weeks.. After his op he was texting everyone saying he felt so much better.On the way home he had a sandwich and a scone as he felt like eating again.
    After eating a bit too much he was sick. He put it down to the propofol and tootled off to bed. Saturday he wasn’t quite right, was sick again and I phoned the ward. He wasn’t in pain and he didn’t have a temperature but I was certain something was wrong. They said not to worry and keep an eye on him. Sunday Chris got up and could hardly make it from the sofa to the loo (5 yards) without getting out of breath. I called the ward again and they got one of the Consultants on the phone, they spoke to Chris and I was to take him straight away to the hospital. If he became faint I was to call an ambulance. Got him to A & E. Within 30 minutes he was in resus and on antbiotics. They admitted him to the GI ward. Overnight he was taken to the intensive care ward as he needed to go on dialysis as his kidneys were struggling. this was Monday. They realised that the food he had had hadn’t been processed so they pit a tube in to take the undogetsed food from his stomach. He was also struggling with fluid pressure from his abdomen on his diaphragm. I went home. Tuesday morning I went in and he was in atrial fibrillation so really struggling with his breathing and I was taken aside by the consultant and told Chris was going to die. They hadn’t told him so I had to have my game face on and force him to see his son and step son as he didn’t want to see anyone but me.I went home. At 3:30 Wednesday morning I was called by the hospital and told to get there ASAP. Chris could no longer speak, was confused but could nod yes and no. I agreed to midazolam to quieten him as he was clearly stressed and then once his sister had arrived from Devon I agreed to turning off his heart support. Chris died at about 07:20 8 weeks ago today. I have no idea what happened. I am completely shattered and what is worst of all we never really got to say goodbye as they hadn’t told him. I couldn’t hug him because of all the dialysis tubes from his jugular and I had to be the one to let him go. We had just celebrated our second wedding anniversary.

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    #13179

    Helen_ammf
    Moderator

    Dear zeetee45

    What a terrible experience you have been through, and your poor Chris … Our hearts really go out to you in losing him in this sad and untimely way.

    Cholangiocarcinoma is certainly a devastating cancer, and it is absolutely no wonder that with the way things happened for Chris you are left feeling completely shattered.

    It is hard to know what you might find helpful or useful right now – although we do hope that sharing what you and Chris went through with us on AMMF’s forum (and thank you for sharing that lovely photo), where so many of us understand only too well, has in some small way helped.

    There is an area on this forum which you might find useful to look at: ammf.org.uk/forum/in-memory-coping-with-loss

    And there are some links on AMMF’s “Helpful Links” web page that you might want to follow up: http://ammf.org.uk/helpful-links/

    And, of course, feel free to come back and post here whenever you want …

    With sincere sympathy and kindest regards

    Helen

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